Life Decision Story: “Joanna”
The deck was stacked against “Joanna,” and when her eyes landed on the positive pregnancy test, her whole world came crumbling down like a house of cards. She hadn’t even graduated high school yet. Her boyfriend was facing his own issues, and his future was uncertain. How would he respond to this? What would her mother think? Joanna had her heart set on traveling and having a successful career. Besides, she was just beginning to learn how to be an adult. She didn’t need the weight of learning how to be a mother. She knew what she needed to do.
A friend secretly drove Joanna to Planned Parenthood, where she purchased abortion pills from a disinterested nurse in a bare room in the clinic. Her seat was cold, the color of sand, and as the nurse handed her the pill and the water, Joanna couldn’t help but feel the weight of isolation on her shoulders. The decision was entirely hers. She faltered for only a moment, then made her choice. As soon as the first pill slid down her throat, Joanna was sick to her stomach. What was she doing? She had rushed into this decision to hang on to her life, her dreams, and her career. On the other hand, against all her plans, the baby in her womb was there, and she couldn’t ignore him. She thought about newborn scrunches, the infectious infant laughs. She thought about onesies and piles of stuffed animals on his bed, and what color his eyes would be. Would they be like hers or like his father’s?
The nurse was talking to her, but she wasn’t paying attention anymore. As her friend led her out of the clinic, she was strangled by grief, regret, and the overpowering feeling that what she had done was wrong. It dawned on her that her baby was being harmed every moment that pill was in her system. The baby she imagined holding, whose eyes she daydreamed about, was slipping away with every moment. Joanna burst through the clinic doors. To her friend’s amazement, Joanna forced herself to throw up. She wanted the abortion pill out of her system. She wanted her baby.
Joanna had no idea what to do next. As her friend dropped her off at her house, she realized it was time she asked for help. Her family told her they would support her choice, and if she wanted to find a way to reverse her abortion, they would help her find a way to do that. One quick online search brought Joanna into contact with an Alliance nurse, who encouraged her to come in right away, regardless of the clinic being closed. Joanna was quiet, trembling with anxiety as the nurse brought her into the ultrasound room.
The nurse spoke kindly to her as Joanna laid back in the chair and the ultrasound began. This time, Joanna felt much less alone. Together, the women searched the screen, searching for Joanna’s baby. There was Joanna’s baby’s heartbeat, thumping quickly! For the first time in weeks, Joanna sighed a breath of relief. Peace and hope filled the room as the women discussed the baby’s health. Joanna wanted to ensure that no damage had been caused to her baby from the pill. The nurse gave her progesterone, and this time, Joanna didn’t hesitate to take it. The nurse scheduled her for a follow up scan and gave her prenatal vitamins and nutritional advice.
Over the course of her pregnancy, Joanna returned to Alliance for ultrasounds to ensure the baby was growing properly. She began bringing her boyfriend to her appointments, where a male advocate was able to walk with him through his transition into fatherhood. Weeks turned into months, and with every new appointment, the bond between the parents and their baby grew stronger. They left their appointments with stuffed animals, diapers, wipes, baby clothes, and even a diaper bag from the baby boutique. The couple began to be supported by family, as well as the Alliance staff who continued to pray for them and connected them to meals and other resources for their growing family.
Joanna was overjoyed to welcome “Nathaniel” into the world. Both Joanna and her boyfriend have settled into parenting, and they love the life they are building. One day, Joanna surprised the Alliance staff by bringing Nathaniel to the clinic so they could meet him. She is bursting with love for Nathaniel, is always ready to send pictures of her baby to the nurse who gave her progesterone, and every new milestone makes her love him even more. Joanna was excited to tell the nurse about when he began to open his eyes for longer periods of time, and how beautiful his little eyes are. He was beginning to be more aware of her and his surroundings, and he was even learning how to smile. She is still wondering if he looks more like his father or his mother as he continues to grow and change. She continues to celebrate all his milestones, no matter how small, and loves to document each one through numerous photos.
Joanna is no longer alone. She knows she can always come back for parenting classes, diapers, and wipes, and she is already planning her next visit to Alliance. She is supported by friends and family who love Nathaniel almost as much as she does. Even though Joanna made many sacrifices to be Nathaniel’s mother, every smile, coo, and grasp of his fingers reminds her that it was well worth it.